Who doesn’t want to take sexy photos of their partner?” the Phoenix-based dad of two told The Post. “I can do it — and have someone fund our next vacation!”

I know that my marriage won’t recover. We are on good terms and I would hate our relationship to become grim. I fear that my frustrations on knowing that my love for my wife is hopeless will make our life together eventually unbearable. What matters now are your children, first and foremost, and dealing with ending this relationship safely and sanely for all of you. Because, by your own words, it is past saving. And, says Lovett, “if the relationship is over, where is the opportunity to just sit with that and be sad about it without having your life planned out?” A friend of my husband’s was staying with us for a couple of days while he was in town for work. One of the mornings, after my husband had headed in to the office and the kids were off to school, I got out of the shower, threw on a bra and panties, and walked to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I completely forgot he was staying with us. If the thought of your wife cheating turned you on, HOTWATER, you might be able to make this work. And perhaps it does turn you on. You said you were excited when your wife first confessed what she'd done in that hot tub with your best friend, but things went south during the foursome you had to "even the score." Maybe you don't want the score to be even? If the thought of a "deeply unfair" one-sided open relationship turns you on — if the thought of getting to come in your wife's mouth, say, one time for every 10 times your best friend gets to come in her mouth — then you should think about sharing that information with your wife. It could be the start of something big — it could be the start of an invigorating sexual adventure — or it could be the beginning of the end.And then… let it drop. If she’s as cool a person as you say, she’ll realise a line was nearly crossed and be careful not to do it again. If she gets a little buzzed and handsy again… well, put some distance between the two of you, make sure you’re not left alone together and try to avoid hanging out with her when alcohol is involved. Now let’s say that through all of this, L and J manage to pull through L’s infidelity and make things work. One of the things that would almost certainly be part of their reconciliation is ensuring that she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. That means never seeing you again… which in turn would likely mean you being exiled from the social circles where they are fairly prominent. No, and this isn’t the question you should be asking. You should be asking yourself what you want, given how very shabbily you have been treated. Your wife says she respects you but I think she needs a dictionary. Can we imagine for a moment if the roles were reversed? Perhaps you would see how emotionally abusive this relationship is. It’s not news to you in any way that your opinion of yourself is pretty low, and I’m sure you have your reasons for that, but the barrel you’re staring down has the potential to make it even lower.

And finally, KMKY, kink might have something to do with why this woman hasn't opened up to you about other parts of her life. Some kinky people prefer play partners who don't know the mundane details of their everyday lives — for some, being known only as a Dom or a sub or an AB or an LG or a no recip oral cum dump latex gimp makes it easier to step into their fantasy role. If that's the case with this woman, KMKY, knowing you know what you know about her — and learning how you came to know it — might wind up disqualifying you as a friend and ruining you as a play partner. Robert was enjoying a night in his hot tub with his 38-year-old wife Christen, and their 50-year-old friend Ted. That’s more than just ruining a friendship, that’s ruining many friendships, potentially a marriage and needlessly hurting more than a few people in the process. Now in general, I don’t believe that sex necessarily ruins a friendship, but in this case, we’re talking about consequences that go beyond just the two of you. Now the ball’s in her court. She may pretend she doesn’t remember; you pretend to believe her. Same with if she says it was a joke, you were mistaken or any other variation of “it never happened.” Just go with it. Being “right” in this case is less important than making it clear that you don’t appreciate being put in that position.

So anyway I met “L” a few years ago and we became close friends. Smart, funny, sweet, kind and beautiful. She also has a fiancé, “J”, who’s a pretty great guy and I regularly hang out with both of them. (You can see where this is going, right?) You should take that as something nice for your ego, enjoy the fact that this woman you perceive to be a total babe has some attraction to you and leave it at that.

Hey Discombobulated, I really hope you’re reading this because I am on the other (shitty) side of a rather similar situation to what you just described, and I promise you that it’s not worth it. Take the following as what I wish someone had told me a while ago: And let’s say that, unbeknownst to you she’s having problems with J. Then you’re less a sex partner and more the hammer she’s dropping on his nuts. Trust me: the sex ain’t worth it if you can’t live with yourself afterwards. I told her so, just as I told her that it would be way beyond what I can and am willing to accept. I do love her and am still in love with her, but her behaviour has hit me quite hard. She advised me to get into a relationship with her best friend – let’s call her Anita – saying we would be a perfect match. So, yeah, I have no idea what to do now. I mean I know I should try to get some answers from her, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Her friendship very is important to me, and I don’t want to damage it. And I definitely don’t want anyone else to get hurt. Maybe it was a one time thing. Perhaps she was just teasing me, and so long as I don’t bring it up, it won’t be an issue. Or maybe they’re opening up their relationship and she wanted to test the waters. Probably wishful thinking on my part. You sound intelligent and caring, but your low self esteem will sabotage your better nature if you let it.She knows you find her attractive, and knows that you are more of a catch than you rate yourself, and it makes her feel good to have this special guy that she can give value to while having her own ego boosted. She is insecure. That doesn’t make her a bad person, but she is acting like a fool.

Then there’s the fact that you have overlapping social circles. This is the sort of gossip that shoots through like wildfire and people will have very strong opinions about who was in the right and who was in the wrong. You will more than likely find a whole bunch of your friends do not appreciate you being instrumental in damage to L and J’s relationship. You can tell her she's not allowed to do anything like that ever again — you can insist on strict monogamy — but having seen what she's capable of, under and over the water, will you ever feel comfortable letting your wife out of your sight again? Will you ever be able to leave her alone with your best friend Groot again? I felt your wife was also being rather provoking – where does she get off telling you that she’s going to leave you in X years time, but, hey, you’re a nice guy and look who I’ve got on the subs bench for you? It’s massively insulting to you and her “best” friend. Around 11:00 P.M., Robert became sleepy and went inside to go to bed, while Christen and Ted decided to stay in the hot tub. Dear Dan: My wife got drunk at a vacation house we rented with a bunch of friends and cheated on me with my best friend in the hot tub. They didn't have sex but they did other things. I wasn't there, but there were eight other people in the hot tub and the jets were on, so no one else saw what was going on "under the water." My wife told me about it afterward and I was hurt but also kind of excited. She proposed we "even the score" by asking my friend and his wife to have a foursome. They agreed but the experience was miserable. My wife and my friend were very into each other and my friend's wife was willing, but I was having a hard time enjoying myself with a woman I had no interest in while my wife did things for my best friend that she would never do for me. She let him come in her mouth, which is something she never lets me do, and she did it right in front of me. Now she says she will do that for me but only if she can keep doing it for him. This seems deeply unfair. We have kids and I don't want to get divorced, but I'm concerned that I'm going to keep getting hurt if I stay. What can I do? I need ...If and when this comes to light, then you will have seriously hurt J, someone who trusts you and who has been a friend to you. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do to somebody you think is a great guy.